I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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