You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dicks are not precious.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
