i already hear my dad disowning me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
