got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
