I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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