and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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