Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
