Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
