My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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