I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
