remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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