Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
