I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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