Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
