The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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