thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize