I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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