Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
