my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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