were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
