so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
