If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
