I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
