Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
