Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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