Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
