She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
