ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
