I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
