who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize