i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
