Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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