first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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