xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
