drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
