i jhust puked up my retainher.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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