I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
