I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
