note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
