I like my sex mixed with concussions.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize