your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
