And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
