you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
