Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
