You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize