she woke up with a sticky ear
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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