on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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