He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
