My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize