dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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