And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
