The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
