Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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