smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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