chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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