drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize