I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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