Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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