It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize