how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm at about main and main street
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
