My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
