Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it hurts more in the daytime
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
