I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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