I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
