You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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