At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
