You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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