I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
