ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
