Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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