WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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