Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize