I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
