It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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