i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
