My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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